Beauty from pain

I looked at myself in the mirror my clothes began to hung frong me loosely,and my features seemed drained,but i wouldnt recognise it, i refuse to , iturned around and looked around at the my bed, blood stained upon the sheets, lingering dust spread across the bed posts.
I sighed and looked at the open window, the cool breeze swaying the curtains back of forth.
I picked up a towel and walked into the bathrooms, i slipped my clothes off and placed my body beneath the warm water, touching my bare skin giving me shivers, pulling me down. i rubbed the soap between my hands and ran my palms over my collar boneand chest, scrubbing all my thoughts and emotions away til it stung.

I wrapped the towel around me and pulled it tightly over my small figure, turning myself towards the mirror I wiped the mist away with my towel and looked closly at my face, my eyes seemed drained and emotionless but all i felt was emotion.I clenched my fists and ran out of the bathroom and threw on my clothes, I picked up a pen and paper and began to scribble a note to liza.

liza,
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

I hope you understand,
I love you

I felt the tears run down my cheeks and fall upon the paper, Already my heart began to ache,I walked out of my room with my note in hand i quickly slipped it into my pocket, walking through the changing stairs many people looks at me, there worry, there pity, there confusion was like a bolt right to my veins, As i reached the courtyard, i saw a couple arguing, There heart break there anger for eachother was killing me, I bent over and began to cough hysterically, blood poured from my mouth, and my throat felt as if it was on my fire. i took a deep brethe and leaned against the pillar as i began to slid down hitting the hard floor, my heart begining to bleed, my vision becoming blurry.
As my eyes began to close, I smiled and looked upon the couple once more, now to see them in eachothers arms.

I'm running through the halls of Hogwarts, searching for Lily. I have something important to ask her, some important things to say that can't wait any more. I feel so strongly for her, I need to tell her how much, explain myself so I can understand how I'm feeling and so can she.

I see one of my Hellions running towards me, shouting nonsense.
"Bugger off, I'm looking for Lily today, you know that!" I bark out, and the Hellion goes pale.
"It is Lily Miss Fey! Somethings wrong with her, she's collasped in the courtyard!" exclaims the Hellion, and my face goes white.
"Show me where, quickly!" I bark, and he sprints off, me close behind.

As soon as I spot Lily's body I overtake him and kneel by her side.
"Oh jesus Lily," I moan, seeing she's either unconcious or close to in. I hold her to me, and something slips out of her pocket. I read it and tears form in my eyes.
"Oh god why, you can't leave me Lily, I love you so much. Don't leave me, please," I beg, not knowing if she can hear me

As my eyes begin to close vison of light pours through my senses and a figure of two people stand before me, one of a tall female with long red hair and another of a man with blonde, both holding hands they looked down at me.
The light is too blinding to see there faces, i squint and the vision of my mother and father flow through them,I stand up and walked closer as they held out there hands, but ever step i took they got further away, thee were led towards the light, while the darkness was slowly taking over.Soon they are out of sight,
"Mum...dad..!! Please dont go!,Dont leave me again!" I shouted as i fell to my knees and began to sob.

I hold Lily close to me, sobbing openly into her shoulder. I don't care how many people see me or think I'm weak for it, I love her and I might be losing her.
"Don't leave me Lily please, I'll do anything for you just don't go," I beg her uncounsious form, seeing teachers start approching.
"Liza, perhaps you should leave," Snape suggests in a way as gentle as he'll ever get. I just cling to Lily.
"I'm not going anywhere, I won't give up on her, on us, I love her!"

As i sobbed my body seemed to shrink, i was now a little girl again, Looking round i saw the boarding school i went to, as the other kids left ith there parents for Summer, I was standing alone.
Then a wide man stood infront of me with a evil grin.
"Come with me,its getting cold outside."
I then began to cry and pushed past him, running into the woods, not caring where it led to, the sun began to set very quickly and the moon began to rise, the darkness came back again, cowering over me, as i knelt then crying into my knees.
"GO AWAY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" i screamed

I try to think of something, anything to talk to her about, any thing that might bring her back to me.
"You know the first time I saw you and I found out who you were, I didn't even think of any of the crap I'd been forced to think of, I just thought of how beautiful you looked, how the sun shone in your hair and how pretty you're eyes were. I want to see your eyes agian Lily, please wake up," I plea, in love with her, with all on my heart. I feel a hand try to pull me away, aand I swat it away, still holding Lily.
"I think I fell in love with you on the train, when you refused to be scared by me, the way you stood up to me. You made me think, think of everything I'd been told before and how wrong it had to be. I love you Lily, just please wake up!"

As i lay sobbing a voice in the distance calling me, sounded so familar, someone close to me, I crawled towards the voice now hearing it clearly i began to weep more, it was liza. hearing the pain in her voice, the worry.
"I love you too liza..." I said hoping she could somehow hear me, shadows began to surround me pulling at my hair and ripping my clothes,.
"GET OFF ME!!!!" I screamed so loudly i could hear it echo in my mind. they all stepped back surprised and moved back into the darkness.
I closed my eyes and lay on the floor, almost praying for everythin to go away.

"mummy! Mummy! Happy birthday!" a yound girl walks towards her mother holding out a present, giving it to her mother she unwrapped it to show a family picture of them together, All of them smiling, like all the bad things in the world didnt exsist.
The mother looked down at her daughter and pulled her into a tight embrace. they both giggled as the father walked in with the cake all candles lit brightly.
He placed it infront of the mother as she smiled.
"Make a wish."
As the mother was about to blow her candles out people appeared from the shadows,all holding wands close to them.
The mother ran out of the room with her daughter into there bedroom, pushing her daughter into the closet she kissed her forehead.
"Promise me you'll never forget your parents, now be a good girl and dont make a sound, we will always love you." she closed the doors and walked to help her husband.
The little girl knelt down looking through the crack she looked at the door to see flashes of light and screams in agony. tears streamed down her cheeks as she held her hand over her mouth from screaming herself.

A few minutes later there was a deadly silence, she pushed open the closet door and walked into the living room, dragging her teddy across the floor, she stopped in her steps and saw her mother and father laying upon the floor, there eyes open wide as if in shock.More tears streamed down her face as she walked towards the table and looked upon the still lit candles, She turned to her parents and inhaled deeply, she blew out the candles only with one wish. 'to forget everything'.


9 years later :
The girl walked around the empty hallways , hands in her blazer pockets listening to the echo of her footsteps, no one around no one near, but a teenage boy much older than she was walked over to her with a smug grin,
" I hear that your parents were murdered, all because of you, "he asked kinda smirking,
she walked past him without a care, which really got on his nerves,
"Hey i was talking to you!"
"well i dont feel like listening!" she shouted back before turning back around she was forced into the wall by his strong grip,
"Now i dont like to be talked to like that so you better say sorry, or else."
She kept quest as she kept her gaze upon the floor, he grabbed her face and slammed it against the wall, again and again til the wall was marked with blood.
he dropped her to the floor he kicked her into the stomach again til she began to spit out blood.
"Say sorry!!!" he screamed loudly, but no one came.
she stared up at him and cringed.
"your sick.>" she spoke with all her might,
"Your gonna regret that B****!!"
he grabbed her hair and dragged her into the closet where pulled out a pen knife and ran the blade across her arms and down her chest. when he was down she was covered in blood and his smile broadened, he picked her up again andsqueezed her cheeks toegther and licked the blood then fell from her head.
"are you going to say sorry or am i gonna have to scar your face.."
she stared down at the floor her vison becoming blurry, her mind screamed sorry but she couldnt, she wouldnt say sorry to some sick f**** who didnt deserve it.
before he could swipe his blade one last time heavey footsteps came walking past, he cursed under his breath and threw her to the floor and walked out of the closet, as she tried to open the door she took her hand around the door before he slammed it shut her fingers still caught,she screamed in agony and quicklynd looked down at her hand, the flesh hanging on loosely, exposing her bone she walked into the corridor a trail of blood following her, she collapsed and fell unconcious on the cold marble floor, surrunded by blood.

I can hear a voice in my mind, saying it loves me. It sounds just like Lily, and I seize the hope she can hear me.
“Lily please wake up, wake up for me, I love you, I really really love you! I need to know that it’s not just my mind playing tricks on me, that you love me too, please wake up,” I beg, on my knees and holding her to me.

Someone tries to pull me away, and they go slamming into a wall. My emotions are at the extreme end of the scale, I love her, but it’s agony thinking she won’t wake up, and people trying to make me let go are annoying the hell out of me. Another hand, this time one Lily, trying to pull her away from me. My eyes glow an angry red, and I glare at McGonagall who is gently trying to pry Lily out of my grasp.

“What are you doing?” I demand, my eyes flashing dangerously, I can feel Odyne trying to claw her way out. I attempt to control myself, for Lily’s sake if anything, but then McGonagall answers.
“You have to let go Liza,” she says softly, and suddenly she is sailing through the air.
“NO!” I shout, standing up, holding Lily in my arms, cradling her to me. “You can’t make me! You all want to give up on her, let her never wake up!” I accuse them, feeling Odyne’s powers in me, but keeping my own personality. Such is the power of love.

“Liza, we don’t, but we don’t have much choice…” begins Harry, and I turn my fiery glare on him.
“Don’t even carry on with that sentence!” I order him, feeling tears streaming down my face. They all have a choice, they’re choosing to give up on her, well I won’t. I love her, she’s my world, they can’t take her away from me.

“She’ll be fine, Lily is strong! She can beat what ever it is getting to her, I know she can! When she wakes up I’m going to make sure it stays beaten!” I declare, and they start to from a circle around me. I can hear their thoughts as they crowd me
Poor Lily, poor Liza…
It’s a shame, Lily was a nice girl, Liza won’t find another like her…
Liza’s gone batty, must be the grief over Lily…
At least Lily’ll be at peace, I don’t think Liza’ll ever recover…

“SHUT UP!” I scream at them, and they give me looks like I’m insane. They don’t know I can hear there thoughts, that it’s like a constant whirring in my mind.
“I’m not insane, and Lily is not dead, she’s alive! She’s just sleeping, she’ll wake up, I know she will!” I shout, and as they close in my eyes go from red to black, and I hover in the air, still cradling Lily.
“Keep away from us!” I order, but they close in anyway. A blast of telekinetic energy knocks them off their feet, and I fly past them, out of the school and into the Forbidden Forest.

I keep flying, carrying Lily and weaving in and out of trees until I come to a clearing, the one that I come to when I need to think.
“It’ll be okay Lily, I got you away from the people who don’t believe in you. I believe in you, I know you can wake up, please wake up Lilly,” I plead, my voice quite and childish…the only time my voice has ever been like that, the only time I’ve ever begged for anything, was when my brother died.

As the memories began to creep back i opened my eyes back to the complete darkness, I sat up and began to shiver, i looked upon my body there was cuts and bruises all over me, i screamed and jumped to my feet running in any direction trying to find a way out, to be free,
"LET ME OUT!! " i screamed louder my make up begining to run as my body thudded with pain.
I looked forwards and saw a beam of light as i began to walk through it i was brought to a pure white room covered in red roses and lilies, I looked around confused as my mother and father appeared before me.
"Lily,We are so proud of you.." Spoke my mother as she held out her arms.
I was hesitant at first before rushing my mothers arms and pulling her into a tight embrace.
" i kept your promise mum please " I cryed into her sleeve,she stroked back my hai, she looked down at my her eyes full of sadness as she looked at my father, soon she started cry, her tears falling upon my cheeks.
"Mummy whats wrong..?" I spoke wiping away her tears.
"its okay now were all together..we're a family again"I said looking back betweent them, as if they were keeping something from me.
My father beckoned me over and hugged me,
"Lily,you dont belong here, not yet.." he spoke his eyes started to glaze over.
I looked at them both and shoook my head,
"No no NO! we are finally back together and i have to go! I refuse to! i want to stay Mum! dad!"
"Lily, there are people who love you back there, you need to see them,"
I felt the tears running down my cheeks once again as i looked down at the floor.
they both pulled my into there arms as we shared a family hug.
"We love you lily, and we always will..."
"i dont want to go...i love you mum....dad..." I said before i burst of laugh engulfed them as they began to dissappear.

I opened my eyes and jolted forwards
"MUM, DAD!" I looked at my surroundingwe were in the forbidden forest,
I pulled my knees to my chest and began to cry, why couldnt i have stayed there! i thought to myself as i realised all the cuts and bruises were still upon my arms.

I start to cry as I can feel Lily's pulse slow. I hold her close to me, just one last time, one last hug, and then I lay her on the ground softly and start to cry. I pound the ground in fustration and sorrow, greater than any I've ever felt, and I sob, great heart racking body breaking sobs.

It's only when I hear crying other than my own that I look up, and I look around, searching for anyone intruding on the secret area. I can't see anyone, so I look towards Lily. She has her legs pulled up to her chest, and she's covered in cuts and bruises. She's crying softly.

My heart leapts, she's alive! She's awake!
"Lily!" I cry out, crawling over towards her, touching her shoulder lightly, tentatively.
"You're really awake...alive" I say quietly, in awe, gazing at her in a dazed and confused way. I really had thought I'd lost her.

I gently pull her into a hug, careful of her cuts and bruises. My heart is full of love, and I wipe away her tears with my thumb softly.
"Oh merlin Lily, I thought I'd lost you," I cry, tears rolling down my face as I remember the sorrow that had possessed me.
"I love you Lily, I love you I love you, why are you crying?"

I felt someone touch my shoulder but i ignore it, I couldnt care who it was or why they were there, I just wanted to cry forever til i was back with them.
i heard liza voice, i turned my head to face her, my lip quivering,
"I I.. died... I.. watched my family.. I was attacked.. I aw the light.." i spoke through stutters.

"Shh, it's okay," I murmur softly, running my hands through her hair.
"You came back...and I'll bet your parents think it was for the best for you to be here, or they would have guided you past the light...I won't let anyone else attck you, I promise Lily, I won't let anyone else hurt you," I say soothingly, and honestly. I'll die before I let anyone hurt her, that's how much I love her.

the tears poured out of my eyes, mixing with my make up making then black.
"No, no no " I say pushing her away. still cring.
"Thats what my mother said! where is she now! where was she when i was hurt WHERE!" i screamed and flung back my arms.

I'm shocked and surprised, and I feel a surge of protectiveness. She'd been through so much, I need to help someway. I take her hand and hold it to my heart so she can feel it beating.
"Lily please! Can you feel my heart now? It beats for you, my heart keeps beating because I love you and I never want to leave you. I hate seeing you cry and get upset like this, because it means you're hurting insdie, and when yo're hurting I hurt to, because I only ever want to see you happy, I want to be the one making you happy. When you cry I want to wipe away your tears and help you smile again, and when someone hurts you or insults you, I want to make them stop. I want to be there for you Lily, please let me be!" I plead with her, letting go of her hand and I looking into her eyes, searching them to see if she'll accept my feelings for her, realise how serious I am.

I looked at her and could tell the seriousness in her voice, i wanted to let her help me, to let her be but i was frightened.
I took back my hand and held it to my own chest.
"No, not again!, you say theses things, That can easily go!, WHAT IF YOUR NOT THERE FOR ME! WHAT IF YOU LEAVE ME ASWELL! I CANT GO THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN , I CANT!!"

I hold her to me, hugging her tightly and whispering quickly and urgently into her ear, "You're an empath, feel the love I feel for you, I won't leave you! I promise, even if I die I'll come back to stay with you, I won't leave Lily! You say that the things I say can easily go, but I know they won't. I love you I love you I love you, and I'll keep telling you that untill you believe me! To leave you would be to leave a part of myself! You won't have to go through being left again, because I'm not leaving!" I swear, my voice desperate, I need her to understand.

I let her go and look into her eyes, "I will always be there for you, call my name and I'll come running, ask for anything and I'll willingly give it. You already have my heart Lily, you have the power to crush it and me, or keep it near and me with it. I am where my heart is, and my heart is with you!"

I struggled to break free of her grasp, I loved her i really did, and i felt the way she loved me. but i was afraid of getting hurt again , and words right now meant nothing to me, i was out of control, not thinking properly.
"Liza your words mean nothing to me! " i shouted stepping away from her.

I stand up, anguished, "Then I mean nothing to you!" I shout back, obviously pained to say it.
"You're killing me Lily, I won't leave you, what do you want me to do to prove that to you?" I ask queitly, my voice strained, my heart aching with sorrow. With anyother person I would be angry by now, but with Lily my whole soul aches with sadness.

i step back surpirsed holding my face, wiping the smudged tears.
i clenched my fists and looked at liza still crying.
"Liza dont want proof, i want to be alone, no one to hurtme, no one i can hurt." i say my voice strained, i feel her sadness ontop of mine,

"Is this a game to you, you're hurting me by pushing me away!" I cry, tears running down my face.
"Was I imagening the voice in my mind saying you love me? I must have been, how can you love me if you want me to leave?"

"i just want to go...liza please let me go," i say speaking quietly feeling blood from the wound on my head trickle down my forehead.
I fell to my knees my baggy clothes overpowering my frail body.
"what do you see in me! there is no beauty there is no confidence to radiate under! There is no personality! what do you see!" I say crying heavily.

"I see the strong willed girl who stood up to me, I see the girl I want to help and protect, I see the girl I'm in love with and always will be!" I sob, not understanding anything anymore.
"I can't let you go, can't you see that Lily? If I let you go I'll lose myself, you are the center of my world, my everything, my life revovles around you and it has since the first time I saw you!"

I tentativly walk over to her, not holding her because of how she reacted before, "I want you to trust me, I want to help you through everything, I want to be there for you, let me, please!"

I looked down at the mud clenching it into bawls between my fingers,
"why me..." i whispered to myself feeling my stomach rumble my vision became blurry once more, and i realised, if i left i would kill liza inside.
i fell into the mud unconcious my robe now uncovering my stomach.

I see her stomach, so thin, my jaw drops.
"Oh my god," I whisper, how had I missed this? I say I love her, why didn't I notice. No wonder she's having trouble with her powers, and now I think of it I haven't seen her really eat.

I close the gap between us, and rest my had on her, seeing now how painfully thin she is.
"Oh merlin," I whimper, running my hand over her.
"God Lily, why didn't you tell me?" I murmur, pained that I hadn't seen or realised. I was too caught up in my own world and fears I had missed hers, "Why didn't I see?"

The last question is to myself, full of self loathing at how callous and blind I had been.

I figited in my sleep, the nightmares beginning to fade awayi opened my eyes to come face to face with liza, i moaned in pain and sat up now seeing worry in her eyes i looked down and saw my stomach exposed.
i shoved down my robe and sat quietly.